Carousel of Memories
by Shirotsuki
Summary: He knew she wasn't her and she knew she wouldn't ever be. But to save the both of them, they must pretend. BYAKURUKI.


I thought it was about time I wrote something.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. That stuff belongs to Kubo Tite.

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The same scenes and memories played over and over again in the midst of Byakuya's mind. The same touches that ghosted over his skin, the same colour of lilac staring into his bottomless blue, and the same soft red kissing against his lips. But she was not Hisana, and never would be. He knew that all too well.

Her hands were littered with calluses and scars, evidence of the battlefield and years of combat. Her voice was a pitch too deep, and her eyes, if he looked closer, were a shade too dark, her gaze hardened from experience and death.

Epiphany, never ceasing to find his way to him, pulls him back to the very reality he faces with trepidation. But the similarity of the siblings made it so hard to concentrate on the thought that what was happening was wrong on so many degrees. The raven black of her hair invoked recollections of countless nights and innumerable soft caresses through similar tresses. He could almost feel the gentle, emanating warmth he was so well acquainted with under the palms of his hands.

The carousel of memories spun round and round, never stopping, never yielding. The very thing he treasured so much in turn mocked him and tortured him beyond reckoning, twisting his heart round and round along with the revolving article.

Just like always. Never stopping, never yielding.

She wanted so much to be his Hisana. Even if it meant to discard her own identity. For him, she will pretend. It broke her heart even if it did fill it over and over again with love. Tears never did fail to run over the gentle swell of her cheek and down the dip of her dainty chin; always scuttling down the same routinely track.

"Stay" was all he said, the tenor of his voice taking on a shaky tone. It was as if something was caught in his throat.

"Okay," she said, "Okay."

It started with such a simple tug on her kimono, a silent plea. She knew full well of what she was getting into, one night resulting in many. For something that started so simple, it never did cease to turn into something so complicated.

Being by his side made her all too complete, but also falling short to satisfy her urge for him to whisper her name.

It was always another's, never her's. Never Rukia.

The meaning was not lost on her, she knew his love was not meant for a girl who only served as the replacement. It was reserved for another pair of violet eyes and cherry lips. She knew her older sister still held the forbidden fruit she desired for so long. She held it so tightly even in her death, forever keeping her younger sister from mending it.

Her revelations shattered her soul into a myriad of broken pieces. But no matter how much she withered and crumbled away, the fingers that splayed over the crook of her neck and the viridian gaze that seemed to say 'you' made it all worth it.

She knew, and others knew, her midnight expeditions and unrequited love left her with only a shell of the fiery spirit that was once of her disposition. She was dying slowly, and she knew it, the sin of amour being the only cause. It spread through her system like poison, contaminating her mind and body, leaving her only to slowly rot away.

But not once did she regret her actions. It was painful and a cruel method of torment, but if she had to cast away her everything for this world-weary man before her, she would do it.

Everything between the two of them was like a cacophony of mocking memories, but the sensual touches in between the lines were so soft like the pianissimo playing behind it all.

She must not mention the unspoken words floating in the pregnant silence. Everytime she shuts the doors, she feels as if she's locking away another secret.

In the end, he is her brother as much as she is his sister.

As much as she is Hisana's sister.

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I'm hoping the primary idea I had was expressed well enough through my words, as it was extremely difficult to do so in this piece.

But I will hope for the best that you guys can decipher what I'm trying to say, because I do not believe angst is my forte, even if I do like writing it.

As for In His Mind, I'm re-writing it, so please, everyone, look forward to it! I hope I will not disappoint you all.


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